Dear Sambag: Secret Gay Relationship
So I’m 25 years old and came out to everyone about a year ago; they all seemed cool with it. I’ve been tutoring one of my good friend’s younger brothers who turned 18 at the beginning of January. He did really well on his midterms later in the month and wanted to take me out to dinner as a sign of gratitude. We went out and really hit it off…he then confessed that he’s gay and has liked me for a really long time, but doesn’t want to tell anyone. We ended up messing around at my apartment for a while before he went home. Since then we’ve been secretly seeing each other and he always makes up excuses to his family that he’s going out with friends. A few times he has stayed overnight at my place.
I didn’t expect this to happen. At first he was just one time fling… but I’m starting to fall for him, and I’ve known for a while he’s been head over heels for me. I feel like at any moment, we’re going to say “I love you” to each other. But…my concern now is attempting to go public with this relationship. I am totally for it, and he doesn’t seem to be into that at all. I also feel bad that I’ve been keeping this a secret from everyone, especially my friend. Any advice on how to take this public with a more positive outcome?
Well unfortunately, you are at a better place in your life than he is. He is 18, and is most likely still dependent on his parents in some way or another. Several parents (not all) completely disown their gay children, leaving them to pay their college all by themselves or having to find a place by themselves immediately. At this time in both of your lives, he has more to lose by going public with this relationship than you do.
I would say, only come out when he is ready to. Allow him to be in a more comfortable place in his life before he comes out. His parents may think that you are much older than their son and forbid him to see you. Who knows? Make sure you two prepare for the worst together because it does happen sometimes. However, if he were in a more independent stage in his life, his parents disowning him would have less an effect over him. Usually parents need some time before they come around.
I am sure that this secret relationship would be understood once you two do come out together. There are so many sad stories about the coming out processes. Being cautious is always okay in my opinion.
But I’ll stop there and let our readers weigh in. Please share your advice and experiences in the Comments below.http://sambagblog.com/2012/02/13/dear-sambag-secret-gay-relationship/http://sambagblog.com/gallery/2012/02/dear-sambag-secret-gay-relationship.jpghttp://sambagblog.com/gallery/2012/02/dear-sambag-secret-gay-relationship-150x83.jpgDear SambagGay Issues