Dear Sambag: Gay Married to a Woman, Messed Up Life
I’m a 25-year-old closeted gay guy married to a woman and I’ve already messed up my life way too much.
I don’t even know what to do with my life anymore or if it’s even worth trying to improve it. I come from a very strict Christian background and I got married when I was 21. I knew I was gay but I kept it to myself and never told anyone, you know how religious people react to homosexuality. People from my religious background are expected to get married and as soon as possible, so I married a girl that I had known since childhood and I was meeting her in church often. I also wanted to make sure that no one would ever think I was gay. My wife is a wonderful person but no matter how much I appreciate her, I have never been sexually attracted to her and I never will, and we have two children already.
So a year ago, I met a guy at work and I ended up falling deeply in love with him. We have been in a secret relationship and I’ve never loved anyone so much before. All I want is to be with him and I don’t know if this is possible anymore. I don’t even know what to tell my family, it definitely can’t be anything like “I am an atheist now, I have always been gay and I’ve been cheating on my wife for an entire year with a guy who isn’t even Christian” (he is Jewish and not even religious). And I don’t want anyone to assume that I don’t love my children, because even if I part ways with my wife in the end, I am still a father and I will do everything I can to be there for them. I know I was the one who created the problem by hiding my sexuality but is it possible to solve it now?
– Mario from Canada
This is not an easy path and yet I think you already know this. It will happen if not today then maybe tomorrow or in a few years, I can’t predict the exact time but you and I both know it has to happen and so the longer you draw it out, the tougher it will be.
Yes, your wife will get really hurt, (and so will a few other people) but in the end, she and they will all adjust and move on. You simply can’t maintain this lie for another 60 years, can you?
Live your life as is right for you, not as you think is expected by others.
But I’ll stop there and let our readers weigh in. Please share your advice and experiences in the Comments below.