Dear Sambag: Confused with Bisexuality
I hate being bisexual; it really makes me CONFUSED. I am 20 years old, and have had a few girlfriends and boyfriends in the past. I like both genders equally, but sometimes I feel like I favor one over the other, and these feelings really fluctuate. Right now I have deep feelings for this girl Amber who goes to my school. She’s sweet, innocent, pretty, and makes my insides warm every time she smiles.
But on the other hand, I also have very deep feelings for a boy I’ve known for a long time named Greg. Sometimes I just wish I can be with Greg and forget Amber.
I can’t really “pick” who I ultimately want to form an official relationship with – a guy and a girl who I both really like. THESE are the feelings that make me hate being bisexual. I feel like my own emotions are antagonizing at me because I CANNOT pick.
But between the two, if I had to, I’d probably want to spend my time, love, devotion, and emotions with Greg. I feel like he’s the love of my life. We’ve had a past before, even a sexual relationship, so at the time I feel more intimate with Greg.
But why am I so confused like this? If I go with Amber then I’ll miss Greg and vice versa. But I’m LEANING towards Greg because it’s one of the closest relationships I’ve ever had with a male, and I feel like I can express and just do anything with him which I can’t with a girl like Amber. Can anyone help with these confused feelings? My mom said it’s an imbalance in the brain, which really hurt me when I heard her say that. Thank you.
I don’t think your confusion has anything to do with bisexuality, but with you as a person. Falling for two people happens to bisexual and straight people equally. I think what’s going on is you’re confusing infidelity with bisexuality. The reality is that you are attracted to two PEOPLE as a bisexual — their gender is irrelevant. I know it is hard to choose – you can continue to date them both to get to know them more – but at one point you will be able to figure out who the “one” is that fills more of your needs. That one is normally the “one”.
As for your mom, she can’t be expected to be totally educated regarding your feelings and bisexuality. She may need time. But for starters, tell her how what she said hurt you. Even if she never understands bisexuality, it’s important to not let her or anyone else make you feel defective. You’re not. You’re just young and overwhelmed by too many options. Be grateful you have those options. Too many people are all alone with no one to choose from.
But I’ll stop there and let our readers weigh in. Please share your advice and experiences in the Comments below.