Dear Sambag: Falling for My Sister’s Boyfriend
I’m 21, and gay. I’ve known my sister’s boyfriend for about 4 months and we’ve become really close friends.
My sister, her boyfriend and I just recently returned from a California trip and get we along so well my sister frequently comments that he is dating the wrong person from our family, which doesn’t help. He’s exactly my type and I’ve fallen for him ridiculously hard.
What do I do? The two options are to tell him how I feel, or deal with it. I would hope in telling him how I feel, he would reject my feelings and I’d be able to move on (obviously, I would secretly wish he would return them because otherwise I wouldn’t have these feelings in the first place) but I base this on the fact that I have had crushes on guys before and when I tell them how I feel, and they don’t return the feelings, it logically clicks that it’s not possible and it greatly accelerates how fast I get over them. However, I fear telling him might effect his and my sister’s relationship. I was thinking it’d be best to just tell him and not my sister, then leave it up to him if he wanted to tell my sister or not.
Option 2, deal with it. The problem with this is that I regularly hang out with the both of them so I feel like it’d be very hard for me to move past this and take a prolonged period of time. I think about him constantly. I would hate to avoid him intentionally because he has become a very good friend.
So do I tell him and hope for the response that helps me move on, or do I wallow in what I would hope to be my temporary grief? I pretty much just want to end obsessing over him cause I feel like a damn swooning teenage girl and it’s pissing me off!
Unless you have reason to believe the guy is bi, there’s already obviously no way a relationship between you two would work.
Never admit your feelings to him and if he possibly tell you he has feelings for you, you should tell your sister before you act on them in any way. He is a dude who will possibly come and go from your life, but she is your sister. She will always be your sister and if you’re ever in trouble, or she’s in trouble, you should be able to call each other. What if she’s really in love with this guy and you DO end up ruining their relationship? What is more important in the long run?
Get it out of your head, and leave their relationship alone. Find someone else — someone not attached to a member of your family.
But I’ll stop there and let our readers weigh in. Please share your advice and experiences in the Comments below.