Dear Sambag: How Do You Unlove the Love of Your Life?
If there are moments when you have let go, know that moving on is the right thing, and you see a speck of light at the end of all this, why does it still hurt so bad?
You think about the would’ve, should’ve, and could’ves and rationalize through all that but in the end, the heart speaks louder. It tears you inside. You are heartbroken.
The person that I’ve been with for two years got on a bus without the certainty of when I’ll see him again. It hurts. That uncertainty hurts. The non-closure left open for memories and second guessing to surface leaving only tears running down my face. Why am I crying if I’ve accepted? Why does it hurt my heart? Putting on Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive” did not help at all – no matter how many times I’ve played it.
The truth is that no matter what you do to make yourself feel better, the pain still exists. It’ll take time to subside but for now I’m hurting. I’m letting myself hurt. I’m crying over a failed relationship. Each hour that moves on, there’s the unknown if it’ll only get better or worst. That’s heartache. It is what it is. I’m heartbroken.
One day I’ll be happy. One day I won’t be hurting and my heart will unbreak. For now, I’m not doing well. I’m suffocating. I’m drowning. I don’t know if my heart can take it anymore. It’s a fight between feeling the pain and being happy. How do you unlove someone that is the love of your life?
Truth is, as time passes you start to notice the person you loved is not quite the same as the real person you see him become. And then, you realize that what you love are the memories, the feelings and emotions. What you love is the perception of the person that your love infested mind and heart constructed.
All in all, as it gets further and further away, you start to see the cracks in the painting and you realize that while you still do feel something towards the person, it’s because of what was rather than what is.
The waters flow, the trees grow, and you too shall grow, and rise and become new, because that love made you stronger, the experience, all those memories, they make you whole. They shaped you to be who you are now.
And maybe, just maybe, it happens again, with someone else. Just as bright and shiny as before, and life becomes dreamlike again. And you start perceiving it differently once more. You feel alive and invigorated, as if all that is real were but a dream, and the dream you’re living is true reality.
Live, feel, express and release. When it passes, if it ever does, you will be you, but you will be more than the you you were before.