Dear Sambag: Friend in Denial That I’m Gay
Photo credit: Josh Jango from the book ‘Try Anything Twice‘
The first time I came out to my best friend, it was back in high school. He pretended not to hear me and did a good job of ignoring it for 2 years. We kept on being friends. He was the one to suggest we apply to the same colleges and room together.
When we got to college, his denial got worse. He kept setting me up with girl after girl after girl. When I say I’m gay he’d say I’m not. It was frustrating.
I got a clever idea from another friend to play gay p0rn out loud to infuriate him until he talks to me. I did it, he got pissed, then we had an honest conversation.
He basically told me that he doesn’t hate me but hates that I’m gay, and he’d prefer it if I didn’t bring it up again.
How do I proceed from here? Apart from how he treats my sexuality, he’s a great friend.
He’s not friends with you. He’s friends with a nonexistent straight version of you that he has created in his mind. Not bringing it up again is a ridiculous suggestion. At some point you will have a boyfriend. Never mentioning that to your friend will be very close to impossible. You will never be able to have your future bf come over, or hang out with your friends. It’s just completely unreasonable.
But I’ll stop there and let our readers weigh in. Please share your advice in the Comments below.