Dear Sambag: Should I Pursue a College Acquaintance?
I met this guy, awfully kind. We didn’t talk much. We had the same class. He always sits in the row in front of me so I can’t avoid staring. I realized I was crushing on him. So I add him on Facebook. I message him after finals. I started with a really shitty question. I’ve forgotten now what it was. He seemed to kind of explode with things to say. He even wanted my number, to make contacting each other easier.
We met a lot of times since then but never in a spoken agreement that it will be a date. It all seemed just a little bit date-ish. My friends say I shouldn’t assume just yet. It’s been at least a month since I stopped staring at his name and actually having balls to message him. And I still don’t have the heart to ask him if he likes me in that way. I want to think that he is just friendly and he probably is. But if he took initiative to ask to see me three times already, do I see that as a clear sign of interest? This is in a manner where I can actually interpret his actions as friendly and interested.
See, the tricky part is, he never messages first but he has a lot to say. He has no tells of being interested in men. I’m anxious to make moves, dreading that I’m being blinded by a little crush. He has a way with words that makes me have doubt what I know with social interactions. He can seem really friendly while being suggestive at the same time.
Do I take the bait or must I wait? It’s not the first time I thought a crush was mutual. Both times those made me hate myself for investing so much time and effort. Now I feel it’s happening again but this time, in college and it’s different because I’m out now. So how do people usually make friends in university. In what ways can I show Interest without putting myself at risk of being “too proactive” or “moving too fast”. I want to show him I like him before I want to tell him. In that way maybe he’ll get the memo and meet me halfway. Just any low key things I could do. Like maybe simply hanging out, or maybe doing something together? I need ideas. Thank you.
Slow down there. First things first. You need to find out if he’s even gay or not, otherwise you may be just wasting your time all over again, ending up embarrassed and possibly losing the guy as even a friend because of the awkwardness it could create between the two of you.
Let him know that you’re interested in men and see what his reaction is. If he’s in the same boat, he’ll most likely be excited to have met a new gay friend and will tell you he’s gay too because of that. Then you you can figure out what you want to do next. Either just be gay friends or see if he’s interested in more than just being friends. If he isn’t gay, it shouldn’t hurt the relationship unless he has homophobic tendencies, in which case you probably want to avoid him anyhow.
But I’ll stop there and let our readers weigh in. Please share your advice in the Comments below.