Dear Sambag: How to Pursue a Widower?
You know the cliché of the friendly straight woman who knows another gay guy? Well that happened to me. She tells me that her friend, let’s call him Drew, is another gay guy and available. She says that Drew’s last buddy died in a assault and it has been like 6 months since he hasn’t try anything with anyone.
I’m not sure why, but I agreed. She introduced me to Drew and he seemed distant. When she left, Drew told me that he was uncomfortable, that he understood what our friend was trying to do, and that he understood if I wanted to leave. I told Drew that we should just enjoy dinner as new friends.
Dinner went well, but again, he was distant. I took him to his house, but then he surprised me and said could you stay? I agreed.
His house was filled with pictures with him and another man. Drew said that the other man was the man who died, let’s call him Chuckie. Drew said that Chuckie was in the wrong place at the wrong time and he was wounded by a thief and he died.
We sat on the couch and Drew gave me a soda. I started talking about something but after some minutes Drew started crying very loudly. I tried to calm him down but he grabbed me like a hug but it was so strong it almost broke my arms and ribs. He started screaming Chuckie’s name and said that he missed him terribly and that he didn’t know what to do now.
After some time he let me go and I managed to inhale. Drew said that he was sorry but I said that if I could help him in anything, I would. Drew then smiled and apologized again. I went to my house after that.
I want to help him, but I don’t know how to get close to him. I like him, but I don’t think he wants a man right now. But if I can be his friend, then that would be good.
What should I do? What should I say?
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