Dear Sambag: Asked a Guy out at the Gym Who Turned out to Be Straight
Well, my instincts failed me. There’s a handsome guy at my college gym who’s been checking me out since last semester. Or so I thought he was. After chatting with him multiple times throughout the past several months, I finally asked for his # at the gym yesterday after a short conversation.
“Sorry for putting you on the spot, but is it cool if I get your number?”
He hesitates, looks like he’s debating with himself, then says, “ok”. Then pauses again, looking at me inquisitively, “Wait, why?”
“I want to get to know you better.”
“Are you… are you hitting on me?
(Half nod, small smile)
“Oh, I’m not…I’m not like that…”
I apologize, told him I was so sure, but it had nothing to with his mannerisms. He jokes that he gets confused for that a lot. I assured him that I didn’t find this awkward and I’m somewhat relieved that he’s straight. Now I don’t have to worry about all the stress involved with impressing him if he was into me. So, he was nice about it, which I knew he would be because he’s such a friendly and approachable guy.
Why I took the risk:
1)This guy was shamelessly making extended eye contact with me multiple times. The first time was in the locker room. He walks within inches of my face and smiles, looking up and down while I’m talking to my buddy.
2) He hangs out/works out with lots of girls. It’s not common for good looking straight guys to hang out with unattractive girls. However, the last time we talked before yesterday I find out he’s a nursing major, which explains why he has so many female friends.
3) He just plain looks happy to see me all time, versus other straight acquaintances who only notice female friends or awkwardly pretend they didn’t see you. I also felt a connection with him whenever we spoke.
4)He doesn’t have social media, so I couldn’t find out anything about him.
5)He’s non-threatening and approachable, the safest choice to ask a guy I don’t know is gay out. I’m glad I got to know him slowly and didn’t hit on him in some trashy way. He started out as a crush, then I broke the ice and asked him to spot me, thinking he got the message since he keeps staring at me. Unfortunately, I’m not getting the college romance I’ve always wanted. I guess all the guys who are gay around my campus really are only on grindr and other apps. I just wanted to meet someone in real life and know what it feels like to “get the girl”.
Congrats on going for it, even if you did get shot down. That takes courage. Maybe if you guys stay friends you can have a good laugh about the time you tried to ask him out. You never know, he could potentially be closeted. But I’d say try to settle for getting to know him as friends. He sounds like a good guy.
But I’ll stop there and let our readers weigh in. Please share your advice in the Comments below.