Dear Sambag: He Didn’t Say Yes
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years. We have been living together for the past 4 years, and I’d like to say that we’re pretty much integral to the other one’s life at this point.
We went on a trip to visit a friend. We were going to stay for a week, and I decided to propose during a hiking trip. When we reached the top of the mountain, I pulled him aside, spent about 5 minutes on a memorized speech trying to sum up our relationship, got on one knee, and pulled out the ring. I could hear wooing from the crowd, some people even saying kiss kiss.
He… he didn’t say yes. He nervously (?) laughed and he started walking… walking away. I was still holding the box and I tried to get up, but he then started running away. Running away from me. Someone screamed that I should run after him, but our friend came close and hugged me and didn’t let me go.
I tried contacting him, but to no avail. When I got back to the hotel, his things weren’t there. I called my friend and he told me that I should stay at his place. The week came and went. I couldn’t put my mind on anything else, despite my friend trying to distract me.
When I finally returned home, all of his belongings were gone; only his keys were there. I still can’t contact him. I’ve tried everything but I can’t get him to talk to me.
What did I do wrong?
10 years is worth a sit down conversation. Your lover is a coward. I mean people are allowed to have a change of heart. It’s literally brain chemistry. It happens. Sometimes it ends. Shit happens. There’s no guarantee of anything in life. Moreover, a proposal can bring things to a head. However, he owes you the respect of telling you in person. Running away like that is extremely douche.
Talk to the friend that hugged you and prevented you from running after. Perhaps he knows something. I feel like the friend knows more than he’s letting on. There is something missing that you need to learn. Try to contact your lover — phone, email, text, all of the above if that’s what it takes. Don’t bombard him, but do let him know that you aren’t mad, but only want to talk when he is ready.
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