Dear Sambag,

I have known him since I was 4 years old and we’re best friends all our lives up until the end of high school. Even after that we still saw each other regularly and hung out until we were about 22.

I didn’t start accepting my own sexuality until I was around 19 and didn’t start actively dating other guys until I was in my mid-20s. By this time we had moved to different towns (not that far away though) and I was busy with work so we don’t see each other much anymore. Now he’s moved back to town with the woman he recently married and he’s always inviting me over to hang out since he doesn’t have any friends around here anymore and his wife works a late shift so he’s home alone.

He’d always made homophobic remarks as long as I can remember. Not that he would mention the topic often, but when he did, it really ingrained itself in my mind and I think is a big reason why I had so much trouble accepting myself. Up until today he throws out words like “f***got”, “queer”, “c***sucker” as general insults about stuff he doesn’t like.

His wife is a hairstylist and he once rudely imitated a gay coworker of hers and suggested he wears women’s clothes at home. Another time he told me he wouldn’t listen to any more Lady Gaga songs after she thanked the gays for supporting her at an awards show.

The worst example is that he another friend (more of an acquaintance for me, we didn’t usually all hang out together) who came out as gay a few years ago when I was still in college and he stopped hanging out with him after that. When I asked about it, he said he doesn’t like hanging around “poop-pushers”.

It just breaks my heart because I have so many good memories with him but I can’t keep denying that I despise him for these comments. And I despise myself for being so weak and not standing up for what is right. I keep making up excuses to not see him and really just want to “ghost” myself out of his life completely.

Do you think I should tell him I’m gay or is it not even worth it, just stop talking to him without explanation?

Walton

Dear Walton,

It looks like either way you two will stop talking, if he knows or not. I would go with telling him, so he understands that his dislike causes problems keeping friends which might later make him rethink his stance.

But I’ll stop there and let our readers weigh in. Please share your advice in the Comments below.

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Dear Sambag, I have known him since I was 4 years old and we’re best friends all our lives up until the end of high school. Even after that we still saw each other regularly and hung out until we were about 22. I didn't start accepting my own sexuality until...